Warning. This blog may be offensive to some readers, particularly those not ready for stark realities and authentic growth.
Depending on the day, the offended person might be me. I can’t be the only one. Have you ever been in a mood where you find offense in anything? You don’t have to try. The emotion arises from deep within, abiding in the space where our deepest convictions dwell, leaving you with the impression that they must be valid. Lashing out seems the next rational step, and the finger-pointing begins. It’s the words you said. It’s the action you took. It’s the view you have. I have deemed you the problem from my moral high horse, secure in my infallibility.
Been there
Once the irritation passes, I remind myself that there are over 8 billion people on this planet, each with different experiences, insights, prisms through which they gaze, and journeys to fulfill. Why should any of them know what I think, care what I think, or agree with what I think?
Fun fact: They don’t.
This might come as a shock, but the problem is - and always (at least since you reached the age of maturity, some say 18, those who wish to infantilize you might argue upwards of 26) - has been You - not the "you" out there, but the you right here, reading this blog.
At the risk of sounding offensive, I’m going to talk about pus for a moment - thick, yellow, infectious pus. It’s gnarly, nasty, and, believe it or not, it can be looked at as a friend in the short term. Pus lets us know the wound we’ve been inflicted with is no ordinary cut. The injury is infected and needs to be treated like our life depends on it, because it likely does.
Offense = opportunity
Whenever you feel offended (and life gives us plenty of opportunities to feel this way), you’ve been given a gift—a chance to heal what is already inside you.
Who hurt me?!
When you feel an offensive poke in your gut, a rawness in your throat, or a pang in your heart, the words or deeds that preceded the pang seem at fault. But the offense didn’t cause the pain, at least, not entirely. It merely pierced the metaphorical pus pocket of infection already implanted within your psychological body.
It’s real and hurtful but has little to do with the external impetus. Like the presence of pus, the offending party has done you a massive solid by showing you exactly where you need work. Having a problem “out there” has always been a problem inside yourself. The difference is that now you have specific areas to focus on.
Working on solutions
So now we know the problem is the self. Don't just take my word for it. You can find this truth all over, like in the book The Problem Was Me: How to End Negative Self-Talk and Take Your Life to a New Level by Thomas Gagliano and Abraham J. Twerksi and Survivor's song "Burning Heart" in the line "It's you against you. It's the paradox that drives us all." (My personal favorite.)
Growth is the name of the game in this “earth school.” (The Seat of the Soul by Gary Zukov) While we’d all prefer life’s lessons to be served with a gentle pat on the head and a lollipop placed in the hand, if you’re old enough to understand this article, then you’re old enough to know it doesn’t work that way. Kindness has its place, but it does no good and can cause damage to the business of authentic growth. The type that pays for itself in dividends for a lifetime if you face them head-on and do the hard work. They aren’t called growing pains for nothing.
Pay heed
Ignore these lessons at your peril. The disease of offense will only get worse if it goes unchecked and is left in the hands of those external triggers. At best, you’ll continue to see the world as a hostile place where you need to slip on boxing gloves before getting out of bed each morning to get through the day. You’ll fight everyone and everything and waste so much time that could be better spent healing. Worse, you might identify as a victim and allow every part of your life to be dictated by the swells and dips of life, asking, “Why me?”
We have so much
The harsh reality is that even if yours was voted unequivocally the hardest experience/journey/lifetime in the history of mankind, there is no prize. At least none more significant than those we’re all afforded in first-world societies: Freedom, equal opportunity (see below for what this actually means), clean water, justice, stocked shelves in the grocery store, electricity, connection with nature, and other humans should we care to seek them out. This list of all the advantages we have could go on and on. Suffice it to say, if you want it, go get it. No one is stopping you, and on the off chance someone is, you need to get help, and in a first-world society, you have that luxury, too.
*Equal opportunity*
People think equal opportunity means, if you have it, I should have it too. But, no. That's not what it means. It means we all have equal opportunity (opportunities are individual, so don't think my advantages in life will look like yours and vice versa) to strive - to go for our heart's desire. Whether or not you get it, that's a little thing called fate and not the subject of this blog. But busting your ass to get what you want in life, like healing the poke of offense, that is on you. And you are so worth the effort.
Peace can never be forced
We live in a day where information about everything is at our fingertips. Don’t hold back. Start seeing a therapist who can guide you in the right direction. Read books on personal development and do the work suggested. YouTube has loads of videos on healing trauma from licensed therapists. You could study the Stoics for a more centered approach to life. All you need to let go of the ghost that haunts from within and is crying to be let out by reacting harshly to external stimuli can be found if you start seeking.
Peace on earth can be yours and mine, but we must stop insisting that the world has to join us. 🕊️
